I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Between my anxiety getting the better of me and being busy, I haven’t been able to make time to just relax and have some me time. I’ve been trying to just have time to enjoy life but here’s the thing: I don’t want to do it alone. I’m also depressed that I’m alone.
Ever since I had a six month period of where I wasn’t able to go anywhere due to I lost my job, I have had little battles with depression. I have only talked about this with a few people just because most people think that you are going to harm yourself or others if you are depressed. I have never had the want or desire to harm myself or others. I just get periods where I’m just sad. Usually, it’s only for a few hours or a day.
I used to just power through and just act like there’s nothing wrong. It didn’t do anything to help with what I was feeling. So, I decided to just go with it. Why try to hide the fact that I was feeling? I don’t hide when I’m happy or excited so why had when I’m feeling down or sad? It didn’t really make any sense to me. I stopped hiding it and just embraced it when it happens. You can usually tell that I’m depressed when I’m just keeping to myself and not really talking.
Today, I was feeling depressed because I’m alone. It’s not because I’m single but rather I don’t have anyone to enjoy life with. I have spent so much of my life after college working and trying to live the life I want that I totally forgot to go out and have fun. I really don’t want to go out in large groups. It would just be nice to have someone to hang out, go on walks with, work out with, or even take pictures of on my camera.
My anxiety kicks in when it comes to doing things alone. It’s not that I’m worried about how it looks doing things by myself. Okay, it might be that. Like, I would really like to take my camera and go on a walk in the park. I just don’t have anyone to take pictures with. And nature is pretty to take pictures of but it gets boring after a while.
There’s also things that you really can’t do by myself because it just awkward to do. Like it’s awkward to go to a concert by myself. It’s also awkward, a little unsafe, to go on trips alone. It’s stuff like that I would like to do. It’s also very awkward to have deep conversations with yourself. It would be nice to have someone just talk about my day with and just to share things with. It’s things like this that triggers my depression. I mean, its other things can trigger it but lately, it’s just being lonely.
I’m not telling you this for pity or for you to feel bad for me. I’m telling you in hopes that it will make you support, or understand, another person you know that may have depression. Mine isn’t as bad as some but it something that should at least be taken more seriously than what it is. People get sad, so what. Frankly, it might not make sense about why I’m depressed about being alone. It’s just how I feel. It’s been coming on a lot lately too. I’m also sorry that this is probably me just rambling on. It does feel good to get this off my chest.
Well, It’s time that I go try to fix the fact that I’m lonely. Time to go swipe right or left on some boys. Hopefully, I’ll find a keeper. Talk to you soon. Wish me luck.
P.S. Since we are now dating, make sure you follow me on Twitter and Instagram. I’m like the social media mogul version of Tinkerbell. Just instead of people believing I exist, I need those follows to live.