Dear Phone…let’s talk about love and boys

Dear Phone,

I thought it was time that we had a little kiki. What is a kiki you are probably asking yourself? I’ll give you a moment to google it because obviously I have taught you nothing in this relationship. Did you google it? If so then you would have seen that a kiki is a party for calming all your nerves, spilling tea and dishing just desserts one may deserve. So we are going to talk about love and boys. That sounds like a title to Netflix original movie that will be starring Noah Centineo. I’M ALL FOR THAT MOVIE. Anyways, let’s talk about what I’m looking for and Boys.

The first thing I’m looking for is someone who matches with me to actually respond. Like, if it was a mistake, just let me know. We’ve all accidentally swiped right on someone when we though we were swiping left or just did it the wrong way. I’m just getting a little annoyed with the no responses back. Also, who says that ever first messages needs to be some sort of clever response? This is why my generations have unrealistic love expectations. We think that we need to wow people because that’s what gets shown on all the memes, movies, and shows. Let’s be real – sure, that is all find and dandy if you just have that much creativity flowing through your veins, but who really can be that clever and witty all the damn time? I’d rather have someone who isn’t turned up like that all the time. I’d rather just have someone be real and not like a fictional character from the all men reboot of a romantic comedy. Sidenote: I really need one of those in my life. Hollywood really needs to get on this. “Love, Simon” was amazing and I can watch it at anytime but I want more like it. I would like more movies that I can see myself in and go “that could be me.”

Another thing that I’m looking for is extremely unrealistic. I’m looking for that moment when you first look at someone and you get that time slowed down feeling when you look at them. I’m not totally shallow but I want someone that I’m attracted to from the start. Obviously, I’m not going to naively meet up with someone without talking to them first. And it will be a public place that many people can witness if I’m getting kidnapped, robbed, and/or anything else. But I want there to be an attraction. I want to feel sparks fly. Like I said, I know it’s unrealistic but as Selena Gomez said “The Heart Wants What it Wants.”

I’m pretty much looking for someone that I can be myself around. As you are very much aware, I rock out to every song that I’m into. Like this morning, I was rocking out to Miranda Cosgrove’s “About You Now.” I want someone that will join in…or not judge me or find it annoying when I do. I want someone who will encourage me no matter how stupid or unrealistic my dreams might be. Someone that I can share everything with and they can do the same. I want someone that I can enjoy life with because frankly, it’s too short. I also wouldn’t mind if they could also draw me pictures on gum wrappers, recreate the woods of pictures from Taylor Swift’s video “Mine,” and/or just be there for me.

I’m not going to get into looks and whatnot because I’m not that shallow. I just want someone that I find attractive. I am though a sucker for beautiful eyes. Like, beautiful eyes are like everything. I’m not going to turn away abs that I can bake cookies off of. We can eat cookies off them together #couplegoals. But they need to be nice, caring, romantic, have a sense of humor, and just be a good person. While I kind of like bad boys, I mean who doesn’t, I don’t want to deal with one. Unless they are that brooding bad boy who just looks tough but really bakes with his 98 year old grandmother. I’m okay with a bad boy but I just don’t want one if they do drugs or might end up in jail. I’m okay with baggage because we all have baggage. I just don’t want deal that kind of baggage. Oh, let’s get this out of the way: I don’t care if they have been in jail. That’s the past. The past only shape us but they don’t define us.

Here’s some of the celebrities I’m crushing on at the moment. I think that you are crushing on says a lot about your taste:

  • Nick Robinson
  • Noah Centineo
  • Nick Jonas
  • Joe Jonas (honestly, he’s too much of a man whore but he still makes the list)
  • Shawn Mendes
  • Charlie Puth
  • KJ Apa
  • The entire cast of “Riverdale”
  • Britney Spear’s dancers
  • Nico Geetham
  • Zac Efron
  • Tom Daley

If you also check out my Instagram follow list, then you will see that my Instagram is thirst trap. I literally follow extremely attractive men just because I find them attractive. I also then follow them on Twitter. Twitter is for you to get to know the person soul, Instagram is for you to thirst after them.

I’m going to keep plugging away and hope that I can find someone. I know they are out there, its just find him. Until then, it’s just you and me 🙂  I’ll talk to you soon.

Yours Truly,

Steven Kaufman

P.S. Since we are now dating, make sure you follow me on Twitter and Instagram. I’m like the social media mogul version of Tinkerbell. Just instead of people believing I exist, I need those follows to live.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s