Dear Phone…I have a hard time showing feelings

Dear Phone,

So I thought it was time for another one of our deep talks. You’re a very good listener and I need someone to listen because it just dawned on me that sometimes, I don’t handle emotions like a normal person probably should.

It’s kind of like I’m so good at not showing certain emotions that it makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me or it’s just the way I am. Like if someone goes “I Love You” in a non-relationship/platonic way, I don’t really know how to react. I also really don’t show emotion if someone is crying or upset. Now before you start to label me a sociopath, It not that I’m unable to feel or show emotion for that. It’s just I have a hard time connection with people with that, especially strangers.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my parent’s really didn’t show that kind of emotion with me. I’m not trying to say my parent’s did a bad job at being parents, but it wasn’t really a nurturing environment. Like, I’m told that I’m not really good at hugging. My parent’s aren’t big on hugs so I guess neither than I. This just adds to my long list of parental issues I have. They also really don’t show any other emotion besides angry or happiness.

I also think that the fact that I’ve been hurt before that I’ve built up too much of a guard up that it made me this way. Besides the things that I listed in my schooling experience (mainly middle school and high school), I once got broken up with on Valentine’s Day after I told the person I love them. It was the first time I have ever said that to someone. Granted, that was mainly an online relationship (you try dating while in the closet and in a small town) but that shit still messes you up. That’s also a different story for another day.

I’m trying to improve on this. It’s rather hard because it feels like I’m learning to feel and be empathize with others more from the start. The fact that I have issues like this makes me extremely worried about future relationships. If I have a hard time connecting emotionally, then what won’t say I’ll that issue with that? The most I can really do is just improve and grow. I really just to need to work more with my emotion in general. I have issues with being able to just let myself feel what I need to feel. I really don’t do that. Like, this is making me depressed and I need to let myself feel that. I also have a hard time knowing when people flirt with me but that’s another story that we will have to share later.

Thank you for listening to me and probably judging the fact that I’m an emotionless robot sometimes. Here’s to improving and growing as a person. You are never too old to do that.

Yours Truly,

Steven Kaufman

P.S. Since we are now dating, make sure you follow me on Twitter and Instagram. I’m like the social media mogul version of Tinkerbell. Just instead of people believing I exist, I need those follows to live.

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